


In your darkest hour, find me

by Yellowpillows



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Touches on Mental Health, Unconditional fucking love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-05-06 21:51:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14656928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yellowpillows/pseuds/Yellowpillows
Summary: The one where Alex plays for the Pride while Kelley plays for the Royals and they’re still figuring out this long distance thing. It’s messy, it’s hard, but it’s worth it. Based on current rosters, team, and timelines.“True love does not accept your demons, they love you even more for them.”





	1. Baby we're a fucking symphony

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Welcome to this story. I’ll be updating once a week but it might not happen next week because it’s finals week. Usually, I’ll post 1,500+ word chapters. I don’t know where this story is going yet so comment some plot twists or things you want me to integrate into the story.   
> I know that none of these things happened in real life. I just took the lives and the personalities of two people I admire and made them into a new story. 
> 
> Ps. I edit with Grammarly so it’s not gonna be perfect. Forgive me I’m human.
> 
> Happy reading!

It’s only been 10 minutes since Alex boarded the plane. Kelley found it funny how she let people board before her to stay on the ground as long as she could.  She just didn’t understand how a sane person could ever feel even remotely safe in a metal tin shooting through the air. Alex Morgan did not like flying, and her whole team knew it, her whole family knew it, hell the world knew it. Her teammates teased her relentlessly for it, the badass forward shaking at the thought of flying. Then how was she so good at flying headers. That’s what Syd had asked her the first time she was her seat buddy on an airplane. Alex would rate Syd a 1/10 as an airplane buddy. She had a small-bladder meaning she shook her awake every 5 minutes to go to the bathroom. She also spoiled the movie that Alex was watching.

 

Kelley was causing quite the chaos trying to shove her bags in the overhead compartment. Alex finally got up, irritated, took the bag from the girl’s hands and easy slid it in and closed the compartment.

 

“Thanks” Kelley mumbled. “Can I have the window seat?”

 

Alex nodded and Kelley squeezed by her to settle down on her seat.

 

Her mind was going at a million miles an hour like it didn’t know how to slow down. Or maybe she didn’t know how to slow it down. She read somewhere that the odds of being in a plane crash is 11 million to 1 but yet there’s this fear aching to be felt in the back of her head, this loud pounding of her speeding heart. The thing about fear is that it demands to take over whether rational or not. She didn’t realize that she was drumming her fingers on the armrest until she felt soft fingers on her arm, snapping her back into reality.  

 

“I can hear you freaking out.”  Kelley covered her hands with her own, steadying them. Alex sighed and turned towards her.

 

“I hate this,” Alex mumbled leaning back towards her seat.

 

The pilot announced that they would now start their take off and the seatbelt light lit up.

 

“It’s only been 15 minutes Al.”

 

Alex rolled her eyes at her girlfriend, “I’ll be fine after takeoff.”

 

“Sure you will,” Kelley said sarcastically, she’s been on hundreds of flights with Alex for games, for family, for vacations. She mastered the art of calming the striker down.

 

She knew that telling her to calm down was useless but grounding her helped.

Kelley intertwined their fingers together and pressed a gentle kiss on her knuckles. Alex clamped her eyes shut during take off and held her breath squeezing their hands tight. Before she knew it they were in the air and her death grip had ended, now she just had to survive 2 hours in the air.

 

They had decided to buy the premium wifi to stream the Arsenal game. It was halftime and Barcelona was up 2-1. Alex was completely focused on the game that the two hours passed by quickly. Soon it was wheels down in Orlando. As soon as they got out of the airport (stopping for a few fans of course) they were met by Ashlyn with a killer bear hug.

 

“How was your weekend getaway?”  Ashlyn threw their bags into the bag of her jeep effortlessly and hopped on. Kelley and Alex squeezed into the back seat together.

 

“It was very much needed,” Alex replied, Kelley had surprised her with tickets to Cabo out of the blue and before she knew it they had jetted off. That was always one of the things that Alex adored about her girlfriend, things were never dull with Kelley O'Hara. “I taught Alex how to surf, she’s still horrible though.” Alex rolled her eyes.

 

“Ali won’t even get on a board,” Ashlyn said looking in the rearview mirror.

 

Conversation flowed smoothly on the ride back to Alex’s apartment despite the lack of sleep from the couple in the back. Ashlyn dropped them off in the parking lot offering to help carry their bags.

 

“Ash, we got it, you go back before Ali thinks we kidnapped you.”

 

Kelley struggled to get Alex’s duffel on her shoulder, “You mean your girlfriend’s got it.” She grumbled. Alex smiled at her and patted her on the back, “I knew I kept you around for a reason.”

 

Ashlyn laughed, “Alright I’ll leave you two to it than,”

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

Kelley threw their bags down as soon as she kicked the door to the bedroom open. She flopped onto their bed and crawled under the covers. “Nap time, Alex.” She said engulfing herself into the blankets.

 

“Kelley, get changed first.” Alex was stubborn about not wearing dirty clothes to bed. Kelley knew that there was no way her girlfriend was going to let her win this one so she reluctantly got up and changed.

 

After they had both discarded the dirty airport clothes Kelley tilted her head. “Ok, now nap time.”

 

Alex snuggled into Kelley’s side and they caught up on the much-needed sleep.

 

Kelley woke up before Alex and she shifted trying to look for her phone. She reached around Alex and patted the bedside table, blindly feeling for it. Finally, she felt it under the pillows and grabbed onto it.

 

Kelley flipped through the photos from the weekend. Her favorite photo was of them on the beach just sitting. Alex leaning on her grinning while Kelley looked at her like she hung the stars. She didn’t realize that she was absentmindedly playing with her hair while switching between her social medias. She didn’t want to wake Alex, who didn’t get much sleep in the last few days.

 

“Why aren’t you napping?” Alex mumbled opening her eyes.

 

Kelley put down her phone, “I didn’t wanna wake you.” she snuggled closer to Alex. They stayed like that a while until they couldn’t ignore the growling of their stomachs anymore. Alex dragged Kelley up much to her dismay to help her cook brunch. Alex trudged over to their coffee machine and Kelley heated up the stove. The worked in sync and whipped up some sunny-side eggs on toast. It was one of their long-established promises to always try to start the day and end the day with each other. It didn’t always happen with their hectic life but during the offseason, they tried their hardest.

 

This was Kelley’s favorite. The peacefulness of the apartment, the sunlight shone through the window, lying on the floor like sweet honey. Waking up surrounded by the warmth of her girlfriend. It was perfect.

 

They grabbed a shower after eating, Alex wanting to scrub off the airport grime. Of course, Kelley insisted that if Alex is gonna force her to shower they might as well shower together. She claimed that it was good for the environment to save water.

 

They were enjoying the day but Kelley knew that Alex wasn’t addressing the big elephant in the room, pre-season started in 4 days. It’s the hardest part of their profession. Soccer always came before their personal lives. Every time they parted ways Kelley felt this ache in her heart longing to be with Alex. They spent the rest of the day at the mall, Alex dragging Kelley from store to store.

Kelley knew that she had to pack eventually, she had put it off all day not wanting to talk about it with Alex. But it was getting late and they were winding down on the couch watching reruns of Friends Alex slowly falling asleep on her shoulders. She knew that if she didn’t pack now they’d fall asleep and she’d probably be late to the airport.

 

“Al, wake up.” Kelley moved off the couch grabbing the remote to turn off the tv.

 

Alex blinked a few times sitting up on the couch, “Sorry, I fell asleep.”

  
Kelley held out her hand and pulled her off the couch, “Babe I gotta pack.” Alex sighed and wrapped her up into a hug, “I don’t want you to go.” She sounded small, her face muffled by Kelley’s chest. Kelley pulled away and she leaned in a little closer, their foreheads touching. “I know baby, but I’ll see you in 2 weeks. We’ll text, we’ll facetime, I’ll text you interesting pictures” She said raising her eyebrows making Alex laugh. “Let’s go pack your stuff then.”

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

Being back in Utah was an adjustment for sure. She adjusted to getting coffee every morning on her own. Waking up in a bed that’s all too big and all too cold. She focused everything on her training. Alex tried to not let it get to her head when Kelley started leaving her on read more and began to be too ‘busy’ to answer her calls.

 

She didn’t even realize that she was doing it until Becky confronted her after practice one day.

 

“So what’s going on with you and baby horse?”

 

Kelley turned around confused, she put her water bottle down and sat down in front in front of her locker.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Alex called me last night freaking out because you weren’t answering her texts or calls,” Becky said, in a tone almost accusatory.

 

Kelley looked surprised, “I didn’t mean to. I think I just got in my head.”

 

Becky nodded and let the matter go. “Call her Kelley.”

 

Kelley nodded and walked towards the locker room, cleats in hand.

 

For the rest of the week, she made sure to open up to Alex. She shared her insecurities about this new team and her worries. Of course, Alex reassured her that she would be just fine and that the team would pull together she just needed to give it time. And Kelley believed her. She started performing better in practice and during scrimmages and Laura Harvey noticed. She called her over after practice one day for a chat.

 

“You’ve been tearing it up out there O'Hara.”

 

Kelley smiled at her coach, “Thanks Coach, just trying to help the team chemistry.”

 

“Well Keep it up Kelley.” She patted her on the back.

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

Of course, all that chemistry they spent building up during the pre-season was disrupted when the national team players were called into camp. Kelley was relieved that she would finally get to see Alex. They were taking on China in the heart of Ohio. Kelley flew out from Utah with Becky, who she had gotten surprisingly closer with as the preseason progressed. They had been close before being on the same team from Kelley being on the back line but this was a whole different level. She was becoming her mentor like Hope did many years ago. Hope had helped her transition into her defensive position and now Becky is helping her embrace her newfound veteran status as a player.

 

She arrived at the hotel a few hours before Alex. Kelley was excited when she found out Mal was her roommate. She hasn’t roomed with her in a long time and they’d finally get to catch up. Mal was like a younger sister to her and whenever they roomed together good pranks happened. Mal crushed her into a bear hug as soon as she saw her, dropping her bags on the ground to swing the young girl around.

 

“How’s my favorite teen.” Kelley teased knowing that Mal hated that nickname.

 

She rolled her eyes, “Not so teen anymore Kell.”

 

Kelley smirked and ruffled her hair, “Yea but you still can’t drink.”

 

They got settled into their room while waiting for the rest of the team to show up. Kelley refused to unpack any of her stuff before collapsing on her bed for a nap.

 

\------------------------------

@Alexmorgan13: Wheels down in Ohio, heard @Malpugh stole my roommate.

After Alex dropped her stuff in her room she shared with Sydney she set out on a mission to find her girlfriend who seemed to be nowhere to be found. Usually, Kelley would be joking around with the younger girls or out exploring but both Rose and Andi said that they haven’t seen Kelley or Mal since they checked into their rooms hours earlier. Alex shook her head amused knowing that probably meant Kelley really didn’t leave her room. She knocked on their door and waited a few seconds before Mal swung the door open.

 

“Alex!!” The excited girl wrapped her up in a tight hug. “Kelley’s napping right now, I didn’t want to lose my arm trying to wake her up. Maybe you can try since she likes you too much to decapitate you.”

 

Alex laughed at how childish her girlfriend seemed at times. She tiptoed in the room, slipping her shoes off and setting her phone down silently on the nightstand. She saw a sleeping Kelley sprawled out on the bed snoring lightly. Alex checked the clock, they had 4 more hours before team dinner and meeting. She laid down next to Kelley, squeezing the girl over so she could sneak under the blankets with her. Mal laid down for a nap grumbling about how Alex stole her nap buddy. Alex just enjoyed being near her girlfriend again. Savoring the neverending warmth that radiated off of Kelley and being surrounded by her smell. She slowly nodded off into a peaceful slumber.

 

Kelley woke up to arms around her, she froze up before realizing that it was Alex’s. Kelley turned around in her arms to take in the beauty that was Alex Morgan. She took in everything she was deprived of in the past few weeks. The way that Alex slept with her mouth open slightly the way that she looked completely peaceful. Kelley lightly drew patterns on the small of her back where her shirt rid up from the sleep. She soaked in the warmth of the covers knowing that they’d have to get up soon. She looked over at the other bed. Mal sat up against the headboard eyes trained on her phone. The clock on her phone told her that they had 15 minutes before dinner started.

  
“Mal, we have to get dressed.” Kelley half-whispered her voice deep from sleep. Mal’s eyes shot up from her phone and landed on Kelley. She smirked and took a picture of the couple sleeping on the bed. Mal teased them a lot but she adored Alex and Kelley together. She was glad that Kelley found someone who made her happy. She didn’t know it was possible for Kelley O'Hara to be happier than her usual state until she saw her with Alex.

 

“I get ready first, you get baby horse.” She said sliding off her bed and dancing into the bathroom on her tiptoes.

 

Alex woke up to Kelley trying to kiss every surface area of her face. She blindly swatted the girl away trying to get her sleep. “Lex you have to get up it’s dinner time.” Alex groaned and snuggled deeper into Kelley’s side hoping that if she shrinks enough Kelley won’t see her.

\-------------------------

@Malpugh: I’m third wheeling with a disgustingly cute couple.

\-------------------------

Kelley smiled and reached for her side tickling her. Alex thrashed the blankets off the bed struggling to breathe. “Oh my god, Kelley stop.” This caused Mal to stick her head out of the bathroom clearly disturbed.

 

Alex finally gave up and walked back to her own room so she could clean up for dinner. Kelley changed into ripped jeans and a Utah Royals hoodie before joining Mal to get ready in the bathroom. “Scootch over you take up all the space.” She shoved Mal’s makeup bag to her side of the sink. The younger girl stuck her tongue out at her in the mirror while trying not to poke her eyes out with her mascara. They danced and sang very off-key to some old school 2000s music while getting ready. Of course, they were the last ones down in the lobby because Kelley realized halfway in the elevator that she forgot her phone and ran back to get it. Dawn and Jill were already talking about where they were going. Kelley tapped Ashlyn on the shoulder, “What did I miss?” Ashlyn turned around, “We’re going to a BBQ diner and then we’re free to roam the city.”

 

They decided to walk to the diner since it was only a few blocks west of their hotel. Of course, Pinoe and Moe led the front of the ‘pack’ as they put it to make sure they didn’t get lost. Instead of getting there faster they took 10 minutes longer because Megan took a left when she should’ve taken a right. She just shrugged and blamed it on Moe. Kelley and Alex just walked in the back with Ali and Ashlyn enjoying the familiarness of the team together. Dinner was filled with laughter and stories just a family making up for lost time.

 

After dinner, a few of them decided to head to the Flats by the river where there were live music and outdoor bars. Alex and Kelley settled down by the river beer bottle in hand while the others went into the bars. They wanted to catch some much needed alone time. The yellow ball of fire changed to hues of orange, and then almost tangerine. It merged with the sky, like juice-mix dissolving in a glass of water. The clouds were cotton-candy, as though they blushed at the warm touch of the sun. It reminded Alex of the time she dragged Kelley out of bed at 4 in the morning to sit by the ocean and watch the sunrise. Kelley sits still and watches the water, lost in the rhythmic percussion of waves against the dock. Her eyes are trained to the horizon, face aglow with the last orange rays before twilight beckons the stars. Her lips bear the semblance of a smile, lost in thought. Alex moves closer and leans her head on her shoulders she stays quiet, allowing them to stay lost in the moment a while longer.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

China was on their best game the whole night through. By halftime, Kelley could feel the tension in the locker room. Alex, Mal, and Carli were playing up top and none of them seem to find the ball. Allie’s touches were heavy and she was often out of position in the midfield. The backline was a mess, to say the least, Becky was yelling almost every time they touched the ball. Kelley didn’t blame her, she didn’t understand what Jill was doing but there was nothing she could do about it. They didn’t need to listen to their coach to know what they had to do differently the second half. They were constantly finding themselves playing catch up when they should be one step ahead of China. They needed to get out of their heads and play their own game. They had gotten sloppy, gotten used to getting the win without much work. When they came out of the locker room for the second half the whole field changed. Every single person on the pitch was determined to win. It was like this switch just turned on and it seemed like every pass every shot was calculated with such precision. The game ended with a 2-0 win against China but the team was exhausted. Kelley was uncharacteristically quiet on the game bus back to the hotel, Alex knew to give her some space. The girl’s usually lively brown eyes were dull, Kelley always described it like a storm raging inside her head. Alex just reached over and intertwined their fingers together, a signal that she was there if she wanted to talk.

Kelley loves that Alex always seemed to know what to do to make her feel better. Over the years they have developed a six sense when it came to each other. Only Alex really knows that Kelley gets overwhelmed by life sometimes to the point where she shuts down. Not a lot of people have seen that side of the bright defender. They don’t see the discomfort that settles in her chest, a feeling in her brain like excess caffeine. They don’t see her constricted breathing, tears threatening to spill. They don’t see the mornings when she struggles to get out of bed because life just seems so exhausting sometimes. Everyone says that Athletes ‘don’t get mental health issues’ because they live so balanced, well that’s bullshit. Because they know well enough that anyone can struggle yes, even world cup winning world champions.

“Hey, come back to me.”

They were sitting legs crossed by the pool, a blanket stripped from their bed wrapped tightly around them. Alex had her arms wrapped around the other girl, her chin set on Kelley’s shoulder.

Kelley shifted around in Alex’s arms. “Sorry, tough game.” She sighed and leaned into her side savoring the warmth.

“I’m here to listen, I love you.” Alex pressed a light kiss to her shoulder. Kelley didn’t even know where to start with her frustrations. So she said them all at once; like all the words just fell out of her mouth at once.

“I’m just so mad Lex, mad at myself, mad at Jill. I’m mad at Jill because I want to trust her but I feel like she’s always fighting us. I’m frustrated because our backline is turning to shit and me and Becky are barely hanging on back there. I love Alyssa and Ash but I miss Hope’s voice back there. She helped me embrace playing defense and we always fought extra hard knowing she was back there. I wouldn’t be the player I am today without her, and now she’s just gone. I’m mad at myself for not being enough for anything, I made some really reckless tackles tonight and I was lucky that I didn’t foul or get carded. I feel like I let the team down, I let myself down, I let you down Alex. I’m sorry. Sorry I got in my head a little bit on the ride back here. I was just drowning.” Alex felt her heart break a little, she reached over a wiped the tears streaming down Kelley’s face.

“Hey, you could never let me down. I think you’re being too hard on yourself tonight. Yea, your tackles weren’t the best but we won Kelley and if you weren’t back there think about all the goals that they would’ve gotten. Take a breath babe, ok? Let yourself breathe.”

Kelley let out a breath and nodded, “Thank you, Al.”

“Let’s get some sleep, tomorrow’s a new day. Clean canvas.” They untangled themselves and walked back into the hotel.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

The first team to fly back on Sunday afternoon was Utah. Alex doesn’t think that she’ll ever get used to letting Kelley go. Of course, it was teary goodbyes with promises of visits and calls. After about 10 last kisses Kelley had to peel herself away or she would miss her flight. Ashlyn pulled Alex into the nearest coffee shop to distract her. She knew if she didn’t the forward would just sit in the sitting area moping around.

“So when are you going to put a ring on it?” Ashlyn’s question came out of nowhere. Alex almost choked on her steaming hot coffee. Ashlyn laughed at her friend and handed her a few napkins. Alex placed her cup down and wiped the coffee from the table. “I’m gonna wait ‘till we at least play in the same city.”

Long-distance really sucked sometimes. It definitely isn’t as glamorous as portrayed on tv. Long distance is waking up to a bed that felt cold and way too big. It’s pointing out something Kelley would laugh at only to find that she’s not there. Ever since they were best friends, Alex knew that she was going to marry Kelley one day. But how does a long distance engagement work? Do they really want to stress over planning a wedding while they’re across the country from each other?

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

She watched it happen. Syd told her not to panic because instead of being carried off the field Kelley walked off. As soon as Kelley burst into tears she felt her heart shatter in her chest. Although the game was well fought by both sides, ended in a tie. Neither team managed to pull ahead and it was a disaster, to say the least. Alex played some of the second half but came off after a collision. Despite her protests that she was fine to go on, the trainers kept her sidelined. It was torturous for her to sit on the bench instead of helping her team.

Alex and Ali always try to stay as long as they can after the game to sign and meet every fan that came to watch them, tonight was no different. She knows that Women’s soccer wouldn’t be growing without the fans. They remind her of the reason why she started playing in the first place. The little girls wearing her name on their backs remind her of when she was in their place. Cheering on her idols wearing their jerseys. They remind her of the way that she fell in love with the game. It also scared her because it’s always been family and soccer for her, and now there’s Kelley. Kelley who she’s known since her first call-up to the national team. Kelley who she’s won gold medals and world cups with. Kelley who held her after they lost in Rio. That’s what was on her mind as she walked into the home team’s locker room to retrieve her stuff. She promised to do her recovery before strolling out with her bag into the parking lot.

There was a black figure leaning on the passenger side of her car. She squinted at the dark shadow double-taking at first.

“Kells?” Alex called out.

Kelley walked over (more like limped) and smiled offering to take Alex’s bag. Alex dropped her bag and wrapped her girlfriend up in a tight embrace. Kelley is gonna be ok. Kelley is gonna be ok.

“Baby, you scared me. I thought that you tore something.” Alex’s eyes were filled with fear, she pressed a small kiss to her shoulders and pulled back to put her stuff in the car.

“I know, I’m sorry they checked it out and it was only a strain. I just have to take it easy for at least a week. You ready to go home?” Kelley opened the car door and got in.

“So ready.”


	2. Oh, my heart hurts so good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry summer school sucks so I haven't been able to write a lot.

 

Kelley fits into Alex’s Orlando life perfectly, she loves the beach, food, and soccer. It’s pretty much all that they have time for other than practice. The Royals agreed to let her do her physical recovery in Orlando for 12 days. Her first 2 days were  spent mostly on the couch watching tv and playing fifa with Ashlyn. Their level of competitiveness is on a whole different level of intense. Kelley lost 3 games in a row and then refused to talk to Ashlyn for 3 hours. It was surprising how long she held out on her. Ashlyn was impressed.  

 

She was bored out of her mind by the third day on the couch. Alex was at training so she walked out by the ocean alone. Spending a lot of time trapped on the couch gave her time to reflect on her life. She realized that she was made for more, she wanted to make more of an impact on the world. She remembers when she was younger when everyone would always tell her  _ you’re fine _ or there’s _ nothing wrong with you.  _ It was a never ending cycle of  _ everyone gets sad sometimes _ and  _ just cheer ups.  _ There are so many people out there being told the same thing. That their struggle wasn’t real. She’s fortunate enough to have a platform to talk about it why not use it? Kelley picked up her phone and called her agent. They had a lengthy conversation on what it would look like to start a nonprofit for people who struggle with mental health. She ended the call with a weight lifted off her shoulders, feeling lighter than ever. 

 

Since Kelley was a wee-big toddler, her mother always saw how much of a fighter she was. When she got pushed she would push back twice as hard. If she fell she would crawl to get back up. When she found soccer she gave it her all. It was like she was obsessed with it, and she was. She fought her way onto teams, past people that didn’t believe in her. Despite all that, when she slipped into her darkest years she gave up. It was when she got her ankle surgery and the physical therapy just dragged on and on. She let herself go down a downward spiral and shut everyone out. That was the first time that Karen O’hara had ever seen her daughter give up. If it weren’t for her teammates Kelley would’ve just gave up and hung up her cleats. She slowly got back on her feet and started talking to a shrink who diagnosed her with depression and anxiety. At first, she felt weak to be labeled as those things. But slowly she embraced it, she saw how strong she really was. The greatest battle a human being can fight is not with it’s enemies but with itself. Kelley was a fighter and a survivor, and she wasn’t about to let her mind win. She learned new things about herself everyday and how to live the best she could. She learned that she felt overwhelmed before a big game sometimes and music calmed her down. She learned that she is self-destructive after losing a game and she feels worthless, on those nights she feels the most comfortable in Alex’s arms. Kelley learned but so did Alex. Alex learned to be patient when Kelley was closed off. She educated herself on mental health and started to find non-profits like To Write Love On Her Arms and promote for them. Through all of this the most valuable lesson Kelley learned was that she can’t do it alone, she can’t walk to the darkness alone and it’s ok. It’s okay to let people into your darkness and grab their hand if you fall. Kelley is a fighter and she learned how to let people fight with her. 

That night the couple decided to stay in and order some Thai takeout. They sat on the couch splitting their attention between Glee (much to Alex’s dismay) and each other. 

 

“I did something today.” Kelley was nervous to how Alex was going to react to her non-profit. She was afraid that her girlfriend would think that it was a stupid idea. 

 

“Oh? What?” Alex raised her eyebrow at how vague she was being. 

 

“I started a non-profit. For people, especially athletes struggling with mental health.”

 

Alex looked surprised she grabbed a napkin and wiped the curry off her face.

 

“Baby, that’s so awesome. I’m so proud of you. What’s it called?” 

 

“I know it’s cliche but I think I’m going to call it finding hope.” Kelley’s eyes lit up as she talked about her aspirations and her ideas for the organization. Alex just sat there astonished at how lucky she got.

 

\-----------------

“ _ My name is Kelley o’hara, I’m currently a defender on the USWNT and the Utah Royals FC. I started this organization for everyone but especially for athletes struggling with mental health and addiction. For me life is like a soccer game. The referee is God, the parents are on the sidelines cheering you on, the defenders are your obstacles, your teammates are your friends, the goals are your ambitions, your missed shots are your failures, and breakaways are the happiest times of your life. I’ve had my fair share a missed shots and I’m here to tell you that you’re not alone and there’s hope for you. So join the family and start your journey to finding hope.”  _

_ -Blogspot #1 _

\-----------------

Kelley left for Utah a week later feeling fresh and new. Her hamstring was better but she knew that it still wasn’t 100% yet. Alex had taken her on a hike and she struggled to catch up. She didn’t let that dim her spirit, she still gave her 110% at practice doing what she could. She wasn’t put on the roster for a few games but after week 3 of recovery Laura put her as a sub against the Courage. She was thankful that her injury was so minor after seeing Kristie tear her ACL. Alex seemed fine until she hyperextended her knee against Portland. Kelley offered to fly to Orlando but she insisted that she was fine. 

 

Life was going smoothly but the couple both knew that this solution wasn’t long term. Kelley was tired of having to miss the love of her life everyday they were apart. Long distance was just taking a toll on them and it has started to affect the way they train. Kelley didn’t mention it to Alex until they reunited for the US Vs. China game where Kelley cheered her on from the sidelines with Tobin. Alex scored the game winning goal that night and made sure she knew it was for her.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“Are you happy in Orlando?” 

 

That question hit Alex like a ton of bricks. She thought about it for a second, she loved her team, loved the circle of friends she had built, and she loved the beach. 

 

“I guess, why?” 

 

After the game Kelley had accompanied her back to her hotel insisting that she wanted to get something off her chest. She was sitting on the side of the other bed picking nervously at her hands. 

 

“Because I’m not happy in Utah, at least not without you. And I’ve been thinking about it for a while now. Orlando doesn’t sound so bad, I mean I really miss surfing Alex. And I miss you, I miss you the most.” 

 

Alex always found Kelley adorable when she ranted on nervously. She got off the bed she was sitting on and plopped down next to Kelley. 

 

“You know I want the best for you. And I want whatever makes you happy. So if you feel like Orlando is the place to go than go. But make sure you’re doing it for you and not me, okay?” Kelley looked at her girlfriend with admiration in her eyes. How did she get so lucky with someone who was so good to her. That night Alex slept sound in her arms, exhausted from the big game she played. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Talking to Laura was easier than Kelley thought it would be. She told her that she saw it coming and she had taken notice of Kelley’s unhappiness in Utah. She said that she would do her best to make a deal with Orlando but she couldn’t promise her anything. 

 

Right before Kelley left her office Laura called out to her, she turned around and tilted her head.

 

“I will do my hardest to get you home.”

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


She doesn’t remember if she screamed or cried with joy when Laura broke the news to her that she arranged a trade with the Pride. She just remembers running into Taylor’s arms and feeling this weight lifted off her chest.  _ 2 years. 2 years of seeing her girlfriend a week at a time.  _ Her roommates celebrated that night with cheap beer and a hint of sadness. All of them were sad to see their teammate go but they knew that she would be much happier in Orlando. Her and Taylor reminisce on their days living in Jersey and moving out to Utah together. There has been a lot of changes in the past year but they had each other. Becky came over bearing food and hugs. She knew how much it meant to the defender that her team supported her over anything. Kelley’s time in Utah may have seem short but the mark she left was massive. They would continue to see her mark in the morning coffee runs before practice. The lack of goofiness during water breaks. A silence filling the apartment, more like a lack of Kelley. And they wouldn't hear the sound of Alex's voice from Kelley's phone saying hi to everyone. Kelley O'Hara was a small girl who left a big mark wherever she went.

\----------------------------------------

“ _ Sometimes leaving is bittersweet but you have to do what is best for yourself. If something isn’t making you happy anymore than don’t settle. Utah you will forever have a place in my heart. (Although I did miss the ocean). Remember this isn’t a goodbye, this is a see ya later.” _

_ -KO _

_ Blogpost #2 _

 

\----------------------------------------


	3. There's always hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys are doing good

 

They didn’t have to talk about moving in together. Kelley just dropped her stuff off at Alex’s house intending to stay for only a few days before she started apartment hunting. That led to Kelley’s spare toothbrush next to Alex’s. Kelley’s clothes filling up half the closet. Kelley’s surfboard by the back door each morning, a puddle of water under it. Alex learned to step over the stupid longboard that seemed to be everywhere. Kelley didn’t move in she just never moved out, it just didn’t make sense for her to get a place when they both knew that she was going to practically live at Alex’s place anyways. Alex’s favorite part of her day became the commute to practice every morning. It’s not like they’ve never roomed together over the years on the national team and such but it was never like this. Alex knew that she never wanted to live without Kelley again.

 

Kelley had a surprisingly hard time fitting into the team halfway through the season. Of course she was a people magnet, everyone flocks to her personality, her laughter was contagious. But on the field she had a hard time adjusting to listening to Ali’s stern commands instead of Becky’s calm and collected ones. Ali was an incredible leader, it was like part of her soul was intertwined with the field. Kelley really admired that about her, but it still took some getting used to. Her non-profit was taking off, recently Finding Hope’s instagram account had hit 150,000 followers.

 

Life was easy in a way that was so challengingly simple. It almost seemed like a fairytale sometimes. Like if they opened their eyes it would all fade away. That’s why no one was surprised when Alex proposes to Kelley by the beach under the moon. And Kelley doesn’t even waver before she nodded, just like Alex’s faith in her has never waivered.

 

That night they lay together under the stars talking about any and everything. Kelley admits that she doesn’t know when she fell in love with Alex but she wouldn’t know what love is without her. 13 years, starting off as naive kids trying chasing soccer dreams. Scared rookies at national team camp feeling so intimidated that they were practicing with their idols. Now, 13 years later, 2 players who are now veterans leading the national team. They’ve lost people along the way, made lifelong connections and most of all they found themselves, together. Alex reminisces on that burning feeling in her chest when Kelley nuzzled her face in her neck after the world cup. It was like she was flying and she never wanted to come down.

 

_\---------------------_

_“Surround yourself with people who respect your mental health. With people who are okay with giving you pace. Who help carry the weight of the whole world with you. Those who don’t force you to talk but are always there to listen when you want to. And most of all, learn that you’re worth so much more than you think.”_

_-KO_

_Blogpost #3_

 

_\---------------------_

They agree on a simple wedding with family and friends. It’s during the most perfect time of year, July (according to Alex). Kelley thinks it’s too cliche to get married on the beach so they scout out venues until they find the perfect one. It’s not very big but large enough to host crazy family members and rowdy teammates. Alex picks out her dress with her parents and refuse to let Kelley see it no matter how many times Kelley asks her on the drive home. She doesn’t even break when Kelley threatens to withhold sex from her because she knew that there was no way her girlfriend could last a week. Kelley feels a pressure to wear a suit to match Alex but after a heart to heart conversation with Tobin she decided to wear a dress. Every since she was little she always imagined herself in a elegant white dress on her wedding day. Her dress is nothing short of elegant and she knows that Alex is going to be blown out of the water by it. Alex tearfully asks Allie to be her bridesmaid and Kelley asks Tobin. Kelley never thought picking what kind of flower goes with the tables could be stressful but little did she know. Planning the wedding leads to bickering and sometimes disagreements but they end each day in each others arms knowing that this is about one things and one thing only, promising their love to each other together. The media starts to speculate on their relationship. Fans start tweeting pictures of their frequent adventures and outings and speculate on whether or not there is a relationship, it doesn’t really bother them and sometimes Kelley likes some of those photos. They decide to hyphenate their names but the jersey situation is different. Because Alex was basically the face of women’s soccer she chooses to keep her name on her jersey but Kelley insisted that she wanted Morgan-O’hara on that back of hers. Alex just smiles at the thought of her name on her fiance’s back for the world to see. The paperwork takes a lot of time but it’s worth it. Kelley has a jersey shipped so she can surprise Alex with it on their wedding night.

 

It’s amazing when you’re a young kid and you dream of what your life will be like when you grow up and you just can’t wait. Until one day you realize that someday is today and someday is tomorrow and someday is here. And all that planning all that waiting to see how your life will work out is here. That’s what Alex felt like the morning of her wedding. She felt like her someday was today. All the bridesmaid were doing their makeup in one room while all the “other” bridesmaids were in the other.

 

Sydney was curling hair trying to keep Cassius occupied at the same time.

 

“You know what sucks?”

 

Syd shot her a look in the mirror, “What?”

 

Alex crossed her arms and huffed, “I always thought Kelley would be my bridesmaid so it sucked that I had to pick another one.”

 

Allie popped up from behind and placed her hand on her hips, pretending to be offended. “I heard that….Janice.”

 

“Love you Al”

 

“Sure” Allie laughed and popped out the room to get her makeup by Sofia.

 

Alex nervously tapped her feet as she reviewed her vows in her head. She wants everything to be perfect for Kelley. Sydney reminded her that she needed to chill out and remember why she was really doing this for. As she finished and slipped into her dress her mom started to tear up.

 

“You are so beautiful, Alexandra, never forget that.” Her mom pulled her into a tight squeeze.

 

On the other side of the building Kelley and her bridesmaids finished their makeup and hair quickly and all just chilled together. Tobin pulled out a black box out of her bag and handed it to Kelley.

 

“I’m proud of how far you’ve come as a person. You’ve been my best friend since we were like 15 and it’s crazy to think about how far we’ve come together. So it’s just a small token of my friendship.”

 

“Damn Tobs, getting sentimental.” Ashlyn joked and took a picture of Kelley opening the box. Inside was a beautiful timepiece (waterproof of course) it was rimmed with chrome plating and on the back Tobin engraved

_To my best friend, here you are living despite it all._

 

Kelley felt the rims of her eyes water as she pulled Tobin in for a tight hug.

 

“I’m speechless Tobin.”

 

“Finally, after years of trying. I’ve shut Kelley O’hara up.” Kelley rolled her eyes and punched Tobin in the arm.

 

Kelley forgets where she placed the rings so when the ring bearer asks for them it sends her into a frenzy. Pinoe just rolls her eyes and hands the boy the matching bands, only then did the freckled girl remember she handed it to Megan for safekeeping. Their parents greeted the guests filing into the seats of the venue, chatting with coaches and teammates. Reminiscing on how fast their baby girls grew up. Finally, the priest came out and everyone stood up. All eyes turned to the flower girl lining the path with white rose petals as the music started. Mike greeted Alex at the door and escorted her down the aisle. Kelley felt chills running down her spine as she made eye contact with Alex.   

      Mike hands Alex over to Kelley with tears in his eyes, "I love you both." He said and took a seat in the front row.

      As the priest got started they slipped away into their own little world. Alex thought it was impossible for Kelley to get more beautiful yet she was there standing in a simple white dress taking her breath away. But looking into her soft smile and eyes, she starts to think that she may never stop taking her breath away. They start their wedding speeches in front of the crowd. Alex goes first, her hands shaking as she wraps her fingers around the microphone.

 

"I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I'm with you I love you not only for what you have made yourself as for what you have made of me I love you for the part of me that you bring out. You have taught me what strength looks like and constantly push myself to be the best version of myself. Thank you for loving me Kelley."

 

Kelley looked at her with so much love and adoration in her eyes Alex couldn't believe she got so lucky. Kelley took a breathe steadying herself as Alex handed her the mic.

 

"You are the center of my world and the light in my life. I will stand beside you and for you no matter what life sends our way. Just like you stood beside me every step of my life so far. I can't wait for a life with you.'"

      After the pair exchanged teary vows the ring bearer brought the rings up to the altar.  

     Finally the priests smiles at both of them and says, "I now pronounce you wife and wife. You may kiss your bride."

 

Alex pulls Kelley into a kiss, her smile too big for her face but she didn't have a care in the world.   

        

According to O’hara family traditions it isn’t a real wedding unless there’s alcohol and bad dancing. There was plenty of that for the newlyweds to steal a moment together.

 

Alex was on the patio looking out at the ocean leaning against the railings.

 

“Hey wife.” Kelley came up and wrapped two arms around her waist. Alex leaned back into her chest, savoring the moment in her head.

 

“I’m your wife. Like I’m actually your wife.”

 

Kelley thought Alex looked absolutely adorable standing there having an epiphany. She placed her chin on the crook of Alex’s shoulders and whispered in her ear.

 

_Forever._


	4. I belong with you, you belong with me you're my sweetheart.

As much as Kelley wanted to show off her new jersey in the game against the Thorns, the training staff agreed to keep her on the sidelines for one more game just to be safe. She understood they didn’t want to risk anything with world cup qualifiers approaching but couldn’t help feel the frustration burning in her chest as she left practice that day. She was doing better connecting with the team but it still felt as if there was no progress being made.  

 

Being the positive person she is, she made the best of the situation cheering as loud as she could in the stands rocking her  _ 13 Morgan  _ jersey. There was a lot of press and speculation on their relationship. Like last week Alex showed her an article written about how Alex supposedly cheated on her boyfriend with Kelley. They just rolled their eyes and sent it to Allie knowing she’d find it humorous.

 

Orlando lost 3-1 to Portland and she could feel the tension even if she wasn’t on the field. It was in the way Ali’s shoulders sagged getting up from the bench. Or how Ashlyn’s eyes were trained on the grass. And most of all how Alex’s smile didn’t reach her eyes. To an outsider it seems silly to get upset over losing a game. It was the hardest feeling for Kelley to describe to her therapist. She remembers the first time she lost a soccer game. It was in 3rd grade and after the game she didn’t speak for 2 whole hours promising herself she’d never have to feel that sting of losing again. Of course, she felt it over and over again, but it didn’t hurt any less every time.

 

She ran into Tobin as she made her way down towards the pitch. The midfielder grinned widely and wrapped her into a bear hug.

 

“Take care of her okay?” Kelley didn’t even need to ask to understand.

 

She nodded and patted her best friend on the back, “Have a safe trip back, Toby.”

 

Tobin rolled her eyes as she turned to walk towards the locker room, “Don’t call me that.”

 

Kelley grinned and shouted even louder, “Bye Toby!”

 

If they weren’t in public Tobin would’ve flipped her off. But they were so she merely grunted and trudged towards her teammates.

 

Alex put on a brave face and faced the fans agreeing to selfies and videos and autographs. She couldn’t help but feel relieved as she made her way to the end of the crowd with Ali.

 

“Are you as frustrated as I am?” Alex broke the silence on the way back to the locker room.

 

Ali grunted, “Especially against Portland.”

 

Alex opted for a quick shower not wanting to talk to Kelley just yet. She felt bad knowing she was keeping her waiting in the car. Feeling calmer after the shower, Alex changes into some sweats and heads out towards the parking lot. Kelley greets her and grabs her bag to throw in the trunk.

 

Alex got in the car and started playing their playlist hoping Kelley would get the signal that she didn’t want to talk. She managed the silence for about 5 minutes before the freckled girl blurted out, “I thought you did good Al.”

 

Alex looks over at her and sighed, “Sure didn’t feel like it.”

 

Kelley gave her a comforting look before turning her eyes back onto the road.

 

“Don’t be too hard on yourself.”

 

She doesn’t if it’s the frustration from the game or the frustration of the team being off but Alex snaps.

 

“I don’t need you babying me right now Kelley, you of all people should not tell me I’m being too hard on myself.”

 

As soon as those words left her mouth she regretted it. And as soon as she sees Kelley look away in hurt she internally punches herself. She wishes she could take it back because Kelley doesn’t deserve it. Kelley who drives with her everyday to practice and stays on the sidelines giving her encouragement and handing out water during breaks. Kelley who is so patient with her that she wonders if she even has a fuse. Kelley who she knows is frustrated with how her recovery is going but still stays positive about it not wanting to affect Alex’s thinking. Kelley who is loving even when she’s being stubborn. 

She keeps her mouth shut the rest of the ride and looks out the window  It feels like forever but finally they pull into the driveway. Alex grabs her stuff and walks into the house, eager to grab another shower. Kelley follows her up the stairs and Alex thinks for a moment she’s going to join her until she sees her change into her workout gear.

 

“Where are you going?” Alex asks her unsure.

 

Kelley puts her hair up in a ponytail and laces up her sneakers, “I’m going for a run to clear my mind, I’ll be back in a bit.” She kisses Alex on the cheek and walks out the door. 

Alex is so deep in thought she hardly feels the water in the shower. She knows that she was wrong but that ache that burn of frustration has yet to leave her chest. 

 

Kelley is back by the time the water turns cold and she dries herself off. The house is filled with the smell of lo-men and fried rice. Kelley was working on getting the food onto plates when she walked down the stairs. 

 

Dinner wasn’t awkward but there was definitely a layer a tension lingering like fog after a rainstorm. 

 

“I’m sorry.” she blurts out, she couldn’t take it anymore.

 

Kelley looks up at her softly, “I know Alex, I know we’re both frustrated with how we’re playing. But you’re supposed to be my safe place away from soccer. This is what I meant when I said I didn’t want to mix soccer and us.” 

 

Alex’s heart breaks at how much patience the defender has for her despite what she said.

 

“I’m sorry Kelley, I mean it. You are my safe place and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. I was frustrated after the game and that’s no excuse.” 

 

Kelley looks at her and smiles softly, “I know you are baby.” 

 

Alex leans over and kisses her before getting up to clear their plates. 

 

“Are we okay?” She asks Kelley.

 

Kelley nodded, “Yeah, I just need sometime to reflect.”

 

“Nothing bad, I hope.” Alex grabs the trash and throws in in the garbage bin and clears the plates. Kelley gets up to help her.

 

“With you? Never.”

 

That night, looking up at the stars, Kelley prays for the first time in a while. She asks for guidance, for a sign that her decision to play in Orlando was the right one. Looking up at the universe of stars she was uncertain about where her career was going. But she was certain that they were just a small part of a very big universe. 

 

\--------

Feeling unsure and lost is part of your path. Don't avoid it. See what those feelings are showing you and use it. 

Take a breath. You'll be okay. Even if you don't feel okay all the time.

-KO

\---------

 


	5. She smells like the ocean, safety, and home

Kelley wakes up with Alex cuddled into her side, a blanket thrown over them. She had fallen asleep in the yard the night before and Alex joined her.

She shifted carefully sitting up, trying her hardest to not wake Alex up. Kelley gently peeled the blanket away and folded it up. Then she maneuvered her hands under her girlfriend and carried her inside the house, to their bed.

“I’m sorry.” Alex mumbled sleepily in her chest as she set her down. Kelley’s chest tightened at the sight of her girlfriend’s puffy eyes. Kelley climbed into bed beside her and pulled the sheets over them snuggling into Alex’s back. “I know honey, let’s get some sleep it’s too early to be up right now.”

It didn’t take long for them to fall back asleep more at ease this time.  
\------------------------------------------------------  
The moment that Kelley stepped onto the field in her new jersey against the Houston Dash the whole stadium erupted into applause and cheers. It was her game back and she was a bit surprised but nevertheless happy about her start. Over the last few weeks she had gotten used to the way that Ali runs her back line but also how she fits into the team. She felt a lot of things but most of all she felt relieved that her life was getting back on track, that maybe this was her sign. The adrenaline doesn’t stop throughout the whole game. The last time Orlando had lost to Houston and now they had something to prove, and Kelley felt like she had something to prove too. She wanted to prove to everyone that she was back better than ever. She wanted to prove to Jill that she deserved to get a national team call up. And most of all she wanted to prove to all the little girls watching her, that their dreams are achievable. It lit a fire in her like never before, she was driven and motivated on and off the field. A plethora of companies reached out to Finding Hope, wanting to help them on their mission. She was even working on a new line with Under Armour that donates 25% of all profits to mental health non-profits.

Orlando won 2-1 that game. It wasn’t the shutout they wanted but they fought together as a team. For the first time, Alex got to sign autographs with Kelley by her side. There were a lot of questions from fans about Kelley’s jersey of course and Alex answered with pride. Kelley teared up when she reached a poster that said, Kelley O’hara saved my life #IfoundHope, the owner of the sign was a 19 year old girl. Kelley learned that she had recently lost her brother in a car accident and felt hopeless one night when she stumbled upon her website. She called one of the hotlines listed to seek professional help. Kelley took a picture on her phone with the girl and asked for her instagram username, she wanted to post it later.

@Kelleyohara posted a picture: “No sweetheart, you saved mine.”

Alex hugs Kelley tight when she sees the picture.

“You’re changing the work baby.” She tells her that night as they go to sleep. Kelley turns around and kisses Alex, “You changed mine first.”  
\--------------------------------------------------  
Alex is the first to get the call from Jill about Tournament of Nations. They were snuggled on the couch when she got the call. “Baby, I’m so proud of you.” Kelley grins at her supportively. She knew that there was no way Alex wasn’t going to get called up but she was still proud. “And you’ll get your call.” Alex reminds her. She knew Kelley wanted to be supportive but she saw how nervous her wife was about not being called up. All week she waits anxiously, her phone always near her. Every call she gets is picked up immediately but none of them are the one she wants the most. She was convinced Jill wasn’t going to call her until Sunday night at 7 in the evening when she finally heard her phone ring.

“Hello.” Kelley picks up the phone nervously. What if Jill wanted to let her know she didn’t want to call her up?  
“Hi Kelley, this is Jill, I hope you can join us in camp next month for the Tournament of Nations, I’ve sent an email. You know the drill, any questions?”

Kelley felt like this giant weight was lifted on her shoulders. Alex looks over at how Kelley was trying so hard to suppress a smile.

“No questions, see you at camp.” Kelley hangs up.  
As soon as she hangs up she laughs out of relief. Alex shakes her head and kisses, “They’d be stupid not  
to call you in, superstar.”

“You know they’ll probably not let us room together right?” Alex teases poking Kelley’s dimples.

Kelley raises her eyebrows, “Guess we’ll have to make up for lost time then.” She says pushing Alex into the bedroom.  
\--------------------------------------------------  
The only things different about camp were Tobin and Amy and some of the new new new new kids as they called them. Amy had wrapped her into one of her famous bear hugs at the airport and it felt like the good old days. Man, she felt so old. The team, of course teased the newlyweds introducing them to the newbies as Mrs. O’hara Morgans. The rookies had been afraid to joke along at first but loosened up as they started to feel at ease. The first day back was physically taxing and Kelley was grateful. It was a double day, they had weights in the morning then some heavy conditioning after lunch. Apparently Dawn had a different definition of a “light and easily weight session.” At lunch they were piling pounds of food onto their plates.

“You think Dawn will notice if I sneak an extra ice cream cone after lunch?” Tobin asked at the table. They were sitting with Ashlyn at their own little table in the corner. “Did you see how many laps she made me run when she found out I ate an extra brownie at dinner last camp?” Ashlyn shook her head at the reminder. Kelley laughed, “I think you should go for it Tobs.” Ashlyn shot her a glare, “Don’t encourage her.” Tobin rolled her eyes at their bickering. She wasn’t that sugar hungry anyways, “I’ll just get some on our off day.”

Being the overachievers they were Tobin and Kelley tried to outrun each other every lap at conditioning. They had bet going that whoever lost on the beep test would have to buy the other ice cream on their off day. Kelley loved the burn in her lungs as she approached level 60. She loved not being about to feel her feet because they were so heavy from running. She had something to prove and she wasn’t going to go down without a fight. Kelley outran Tobin by 5 levels. Alex shook her head on the sideline amazed by her wife’s competitiveness.

She walked over to Kelley who was bend over trying to catch her breath and handed her a gatorade bottle. Kelley glanced over and took and big gulp from it.

“Thanks,” She said, her voice was raspy from all the running.

“Anything for my superstar.” Alex smiled and kissed her on the cheek and walked over towards her group.

Tobin pushes her into the ice bath after conditioning and they start throwing ice cubes at each other until Ali threatened to tell Dawn about their planned “Ice cream adventure.”  
\--------------------------------------------------  
Kelley agreed to keep their relationship professional during camps but by the third day she was really _Alex deprived_ as she put it. Her and Tobin has slipped out of the hotel late the night before their off-day. She wanted to show Kelley a Ice cream parlor she had discovered in college. They ended up wandering around Chapel Hill until 2 in the morning when they snuck back into their room like teenagers. That’s why it took them a 5 whole minutes to register the sound of knocking. Alex was impatiently trying to wake them up for the day.

Kelley groaned jumping out of bed irritated and opened the door. Alex took one look at her wife and laughed, “rough night?”

Kelley rolled her eyes but stepped into a tight embrace. “What time is it?” She asked, arms still tight around Alex.

“It’s 9:30, I was wondering if you’d like to spend the day with me.” Alex ran her fingers through Kelley’s hair.

“Give me 5 minutes.” Kelley walked back into her room and rummaged through her bag trying to find a decent shirt to throw on. Alex sat down on her bed, “Should we like...wake her up?” She whispered pointing towards Tobin who was snoring loudly.

“I’d just let her sleep.” Kelley shrugged pulling on a yellow shirt and ripped black jeans.

“That’s where my shirt went.” Alex pointed out her Cal Soccer shirt that Kelley was currently wearing. Kelley unplugged her phone from the charger and grabbed her sunglasses, “We’re married Alex, don’t pretend I didn’t see you wearing my Stanford hoodie last weekend.”

Kelley was in a significantly better mood after her first cup of coffee. They were on their way to grab some brunch with Ashlyn, Ali, Allie, and surprisingly Tobin who Allie dragged out of bed.

“Look who decided to get out of bed.” Kelley teased as they sat down at their table. Tobin yawned and shook her head, “It wasn’t voluntary.”

She felt good sitting there with all her friends just catching up on life. Ashlyn told ridiculous stories, Allie told her funny jokes, Tobin groaned at all of them. And Alex was by her side holding her hand. It distracted her from the pressure she had felt at camp these past few days. She didn’t feel herself lean her head in Alex’s shoulder and close her eyes. Alex looks over at Kelley snoring lightly on her shoulder. She looked so peaceful and tired that Alex didn’t want to wake her up. Alex shifts towards her wife and started to play with her hair.

Alex let her sleep for a little bit before waking her up and calling an Uber back with Tobin and Kelley. As soon as they got back to the hotel Tobin and Kelley dramatically crawled back under their covers, muttering about never staying out late again. Alex just laughs and crawls under the covers cuddling into Kelley’s back.


	6. Honey, we're a forever kind of thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I was on vacation
> 
> And I'm trying to switch the tense because I didn't like the tense I was using before.

They win the first game against Japan 4-2 with Alex scoring a hattrick. Kelley doesn’t dress for the game but she watches from the sidelines, her chest bursting with pride. Everytime Alex scored she would look towards her and blow a kiss. It was a sold out stadium in Kansas city, the crowd 2 almost 3 times bigger than in Orlando. Some fans recognizes her here and there asking her when she’d be back, she just laughs and tells them ‘soon’. Kelley couldn’t help but laugh at the fact that Tobin barely enters the game before she assists Alex her third goal. Man, she’s missed watching her best friend stir up some magic on the field. It made her think back to her U-20 days. Back then she wasn’t sure if she had a future playing soccer. It wasn’t that she couldn’t physically play, she just wasn’t sure her mentality would take her far. At times it felt like she sacrificed everything to play soccer. That year she had missed Prom, homecoming, and her cousin’s wedding for friendlies. Tobin was the one she first confided in about her doubts. She remembers being so nervous about how her friend would react to her thinking this way but Tobin just merely shrugged and said, “Just trust in God’s plans. If soccer is our purpose, then he has a plan for us.” 

 

_ And so she does. _

 

Alex always thought Kelley’s faith was different. She doesn’t caption pictures with her favorite bible verses, or tattoo crosses behind her ear, or go to church every sunday. But her faith was deeply rooted in her morals and thoughts and it made up who she was. Sometimes before they head to bed Alex hears Kelley whisper a prayer towards the ceiling, like a wish or a thought. Sometimes she would pray for guidance, or wisdom, but most nights she prayed for her and Alex. 

 

She sits alone on the ride back to the hotel. It was peaceful watching her teammates laugh and smile, everyone was in a chipper mood after the big win. Alex sits with Allie and sings along to their pump up playlist. She only glances back once curiously her eyes scanning the bus for her wife. 

 

She just wanted to know what attracted Hope to sit alone in the back of every bus. It wasn’t until towards the end when it finally hit her,  _ Hope just wanted to understand her teammates more off the field to help them on the field. _

 

She pulls out her phone and sends Hope a picture from the back of the bus and captions it, ‘I get it now.’ 

 

\----------------------------------------------

They don’t even have time to catch their breaths after the game before they’re hurriedly gathering luggage to rush off towards the airport. They had to be in Connecticut for training by tomorrow. On the way from the hotel to the airport she develops a killer headache and the chills. Waves of heat coursed through her blood, yet she was shivering like a wet dog left on the side of the road. Becky, who was sitting beside her looks at her with concern.

 

“Kells, are you okay? Do you need some ibuprofen?” She asks, she leans over and unzips her backpack rummaging through the front pocket. 

 

“I’m fine, just a headache.” Kelley reassures her, but Becky just shoots her a knowing glance and hands her the pills. Kelley takes it without complaint and washes it down with some water. 

 

“I know you’re in denial, O’Hara.” Becky teases, everyone knows that when Kelley O’Hara gets sick she’ll deny it until she’s bedridden and feverish. 

 

Kelley just rolls her eyes and rests her head on the window, hoping that if she closes her eyes enough it’ll go away. 

 

It doesn’t go away and the whole bus ride she feels like ripping someone’s head off.

\----------------------------------------------

 

Kelley loves Allie with all of her heart but when she’s consuming her wife’s attention 24/7 she can’t help but feel a pang of jealousy in her chest. She knows that Allie lives in Seattle so her wife only gets to see her best friend during camps and games but she couldn’t help but feel brushed off. It was childish but she doesn’t care because her head is currently pounding and she’s uncharacteristically cold but she won’t admit she has a fever. As soon as they got past security Allie had whisked Alex and Christen away to god knows where leaving Kelley alone at the boarding gate. 

You’re looking a bit feverish Kelley.” Tobin points out. 

 

Kelley just glares at her and shakes her head, “I’m fine, stop worrying. I just need some sleep and it’ll go away.”

 

_ It doesn’t.  _

 

When Alex returns to the gate, she finds Kelley fast asleep on Tobin’s shoulder, a drool strain forming on her shirt. 

“She’s sick isn’t she.” It isn’t a question, it’s a statement, Kelley wearing two hoodies was enough evidence. 

 

Tobin doesn’t even look up from her phone and nods. Alex lifts her wife’s head away from Tobin giving the girl some relief that she could move her shoulder again. “Baby, wake up.” She gently pokes her cheek and blows air in her face. Kelley scrunches her nose and opens her eyes, “Why didn’t you tell me you weren’t feeling good?” Alex asks a little hurt, usually Kelley gives in and becomes extra clingy when she doesn’t feel good.

 

“You were hanging out with Allie and I didn’t want to break you out of your bubble.” Kelley grumbles sitting up and checks the time on her phone. Alex grabs Kelley’s water bottle and set off to find a water fountain. She feels bad that Kelley probably felt brushed off all day long. After a few minutes she finally stumbles upon one by the bathroom. When she makes her way back she finds Ashlyn arguing with Kelley.

 

“Ash, I’m fine just leave me alone.” 

 

“You’re sick Kelley.” 

 

“No I’m not! Everyone just stop saying I’m sick!” 

 

Alex hands Kelley her water bottle back and shushes them. “You’re making a scene in the middle of the airport guys.” Kelley just huffs and grabs her stuff, the lady at the counter announced that they would start boarding. Alex just shoots Ashlyn an apologetic look as she gathers her stuff to board. Kelley gives her the cold shoulder in line, she even walked to the end of the line to stand with Tobin. 

 

“What’s wrong with your wife, Janice?” Allie asks nodding towards Kelley basically squeezing the life out of Tobin who didn’t seem to mind her best friend’s sick antics. “She’s sick.” Alex answers unsure of why Kelley was acting so weird. “Ah.” Allie nods, she knew how Kelley got when she was sick. “And I think she’s a bit hurt I kinda brushed her off to hang out with you today.”

 

Allie pats her on the back, “Make Tobin switch seats with you after we take off.” Alex looks up at her, “What if she doesn’t want to.”

 

Allie laughs, “Trust me she may be her best friend, but nobody wants to deal with a sick Kelley.” 

 

    ---------------------------------------

She doesn’t have to ask Tobin twice to switch seats. By the time they were in the air Kelley was already fast asleep against the window seat. Julie was sitting in the aisle seat so that meant that Alex had to squeeze herself between them. The anxious feeling of being in the sky sat in her chest but she ignored it. 

 

“Hey sweet girl, I’m here.” Alex nudged Kelley’s arms in an attempt to wake her up. Kelley lifted her head up and looked at Alex tiredly, “I don’t feel too good.” 

 

Alex suppresses the urge to roll her eyes at her wife being captain obvious but instead she just lifts up the armrest between them and opens her arms. It’s an awkward position for Alex because she’s in the middle seat but Kelley snuggles into her side. So close that Alex could feel the hot air she was breathing out. Alex was grateful that the flight was only about 2 and a half hours long or else her whole right arm would’ve fallen off. The first thing Alex notices about Hartford is that it’s dramatically less humid than Kansas City. Despite that it was hard not to work up a sweat with her wife koala hugging her at the baggage claim. She doesn’t peel her off when she grabs her suitcase getting some looks from bystanders. She lets her cling onto her sleepily because secretly she finds it absolutely endearing. 

 

Ironically Kelley gets Allie as her roommate and Alex gets Alyssa. They arrive at their new hotel later than planned because they had some baggage issues. Alex makes sure Kelley grabs all her stuff and makes sure she’s okay before letting her go with Allie. 

 

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

 

“I’m fine Al, I can take care of myself.”

 

“Okay, drink water, and if you feel worse text dawn before you call me.” 

 

Kelley nods and kisses Alex goodnight before following Allie down the hallway towards their room. Alex just sighs worriedly and sets out to find her roommate. 

  
  
  



	7. My love, my hope, my life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter because I wanted to update on Kelley's birthday. Can you believe she's 30? Like im gonna cry,  
> I swear she was just play U-20 like yesterday. I sound like an old lady.

Allie makes her call Dawn if she isn’t better by midnight. She doesn’t argue with her knowing that it is her duty to report anything that might constrict her ability to play. Although she knows her duty, Kelley couldn't help but feel frustration that she would be sidelined for another game. Dawn is beyond understanding reassuring her that this happens to even the best players in the world. She also tells her it’s too late to send her home and tells her to make herself comfortable for the last bit of camp she also said she also threatens her that if she see's her at any trainings she would make her run extra sprints next camp. Allie pretends she’s sleeping but Kelley knows that she’s secretly listening in making sure she made the call. After she hangs up she throws a pillow and Allie the girl yelps and throws it back twice as hard. 

 

She feels slightly better the next morning but not well enough to face the team at breakfast. Allie leaves her some pop-tarts on her nightstand even though they’re classified as “Dawn certified no-nos”. She makes herself get out of bed to eat her pop-tarts and drink some water before jumping in the shower because she feels absolutely disgusting and slightly congested. The hotel staff comes to clean their room and Kelley wants to avoid the awkwardness of her being in there so she steals a soccer ball from the training room and juggles it around the hotel. She’s bored out of her mind from being in bed all day but she still feels a little wobbly. By the time Allie returns from their practice she’s back in bed watching Degrassi on her laptop. Before dinner Dawn pays her a visit and forces her to take some cold medicine she chokes on the icky liquid and Allie just laughs and instagrams it. Alex being the great wife she is, packs Kelley’s stuff for her so they can fly out after the game with no problems. That night she feels well enough to dine with the team. 

 

At dinner, she’s hit with several “I told you so’s.” ranging from Becky to Tobin who shrugs her shoulders already used to it. Kelley’s scowl doesn’t leave her face until dessert and Alex finds it endearing. They find some alone time in Kelley’s room after Allie set off to annoy Tobin and Christen. They’re watching a movie but Alex doesn’t seem to be watching, her eyes trained on her phone instead. Kelley glaces over at her, her eyebrows knitting together. 

 

“What’s more interesting than Frozen?” She finally says sighing and pausing the movie. Alex looks up at her and grins, “Kells have you read this?” 

 

Kelley looks at her in confusion and takes the phone from her glancing down at the screen.

 

_ USWNT player Kelley O’Hara inspiring athletes everywhere to find their own hope. -TIME  _

 

The article is currently featured on the Time website and apparently will take part in the next issue of Time Magazine. 

 

“Oh my god.” 

 

She looks at Alex eyes wide and she doesn’t even try to supress the grin that follows. Alex sends the article to their whole team and family. She doesn’t stop telling Kelley how proud she is of her journey and the hard work that she’s put into this. The late nights she put into designing the web pages and the hours of frustration had finally paid off. She didn’t even care that she was being featured on Time magazine all she cared about was how many people would find her campaign and find help and healing for themselves.

 

\---

“An underrated skill is the ability to move on and forgive yourself. To love yourself enough to say, ‘I messed up’ and start again. When you feel like you don’t know where to turn or where to go, start again. Don’t be afraid to erase everything and create something beautiful.

Blogpost #115

-KO

\---

Kelley felt anxious for her team even from the bench. They had to win by 2 or more points to take home the trophy at the end of the night and anything less would be a disappointment. She couldn’t help but feel guilty after the young rookies Tierna let in an own goal.  _ If she had been there would things have been any different? Would she have been faster then Emily?  _

 

She immediately shakes the thought from her head and focuses back on the game. What happened, happened and all they could do now is fight back and get those points. It doesn’t seem like anything was clicking until the 33rd minute where Lindsey see’s Rose unmarked in the 18 and she slots in a cheeky right foot half volley. It feels like that goal lit a fire in the team as they don’t stop scoring. The next goal is a flying header scored by JJ and Kelley swears the whole stadium stood up. Tobin assists beautifully and she finds the back of the net soon after with an assist by Alex. Of course Alex and Pinoe find their chances before Alex goes down with an ankle tweak that has Kelley on the edge of her seat. She gets carried off the field and assessed near the bench. Kelley walks over calmly and hands Alex a gatorade bottle, she squats down next to her while the trainers are assessing her ankle. 

 

“Is it bad?” She asks her nervously.

 

Alex shakes her head, “It felt worse earlier, I just didn’t want to risk it, it’s just a little sore.” Kelley nods and lets out a breath of relief and kisses Alex before walking back to the bench before she realizes that their in a stadium filled with people and cameras. She feels nervous but the big smile on Alex’s face is enough to warm her heart. 

 

They win 4-1 winning them the overall tournament. 

 

Kelley didn’t play one minute of the tournament but she lets herself feel the joy being surrounded by her teammates on that podium in a stadium of passionate fans. She lets herself smile like an idiot as she received her medal and she lets her heart do a backflip as her wife limps on the stage as captain. And she feels lighter than she has in a while as they lift the trophy towards the stars. The trophy wasn’t only a symbol of confidence but a promise and a reminder of the heavier more important one they would hopefully be lifting next summer in France. 

 

\----

 

They still need to lockdown a playoff spot for Orlando and it’s a big reminer coming back from the Tournament of Nations that their job isn’t done. Kelley’s cleared for training two days after they arrive back home. Their teammates congratulate them on their win and Kelley’s Time Magazine feature. Erin informs her that their parents already had the frames ready for when the magazine is out. 

 

Training, games, and life goes smoothly and Kelley starts to get back on track. She’s in the best shape of her whole career and the abs are just a bonus. She’s fitting on Ali’s backline like she’s been there her whole life and suddenly she doesn’t know any different. She doesn’t know a morning where she doesn’t roll over to find Alex wrapped around her. She suddenly doesn’t know life without going surfing with Ashlyn every Sunday and then going home to pick up Ali and Alex for brunch. Ashlyn and Ali get a dog and Kelley pretends she hates dog sitting but secretly she loves every moment of it. Tobin visits them during Portland’s hiatus week and they find time to go surfing everyday even if it means she’ll be extra exhausted after practice. The picture of them kissing at the game seems to be what every article is about and the fandom blows up, Tobin makes sure to tease them relentlessly about it every night at dinner.

 

Alex has to deal with two children in the house for a whole week waking up to Tobin and Kelley fighting over Fifa first thing in the morning, their boards propped up against the wall by the backdoor, their wetsuits drying outside. They sit on the kitchen island while her and Ali try to cook and pelt carrots at their backs until Ali throws the carrots back and bans them from the kitchen. Alex doesn’t mind it though, she loves it when Tobin visits. Tobin used to visit a lot but over the years it gets rarer and rarer as she settles into her Portland lifestyle so they enjoy it extra when she’s around. It reminds Kelley of the time they lived together in California and when Tobin goes back to Portland with a promise to see them when the Thorns win playoffs, the house seems a little emptier without her. 


	8. I will wait for you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay guys I'm really running out of ideas and schools about to start so I might not write for a long time.

 

\----

They barely make it to playoffs as the last place seed behind Utah and they lose first round. Kelley can’t say that she didn’t see it coming with how they were playing the whole season. Sure, as a team things got better towards the end but it still wasn’t good enough to beat a team like the Courage. They lose 6-0 and it lights a fire in all the girls that she’s never seen before. Off-season just barely starts before she sees snapchats and Instagram stories of some of the girls already training together again. It also lights a fire in her and Alex as they’re approaching qualifiers. 

 

They weren’t the underdogs anymore and Kelley knows she’s no longer a rookie. She has a newfound responsibility to help lead the team in the direction of the World Cup. Surprisingly the weight on her back don’t feel like a burden but a burning passion. This is what she’s worked all her life to be. This is what all the missed dances, weddings, hangouts, family times led up to. And now she looks back and it was all worth it because it led her to soccer and more importantly it led her to Alex. They visit Georgia for two weeks and she starts to realize how much she’s missed being surrounded by family.

 

_ Family _

 

They had always talked about having kids and she knew that it would have to wait until after the World Cup and maybe even the Olympics but she was getting older and she knew that it was time to start a family. They’re sitting next to each other on the porch one morning when Kelley brings it up.

 

“Al?” Her voice brings Alex back into reality. 

 

“Yea?” Alex mumbles her eyes still mesmerized by the Georgia sunrise. 

 

“You wanna adopt a kid with me?” 

 

Alex’s eyes widen and for a second Kelley thinks that Alex might run away but her face breaks out into a grin. 

 

“I thought you’d never ask.”

 

“I know it isn’t the best time to start a family since we have World Cup qualifiers but I put our names on the list a few months ago and the adoption agency contacted me yesterday, there’s a little boy that really wants to meet us.” 

 

Kelley’s eyes dart back and forth trying to read Alex’s reaction, she’s afraid her wife might be mad about her rash decisions. Alex surprises her by pulling her in for a kiss. 

 

“I wish you would have told me Kelley, but when can we meet him?” By now Alex couldn’t keep the smile off her face. They had been talking about starting a family for a while now and she had felt like they would never with how busy they are but Kelley never fails to surprise her. Her head starts to fill with questions like, “What if they don’t let us have him because we travel so much?” or “What if he doesn’t like us?” 

 

Kelley nudges her wife, “What’s on your mind Al?” 

 

Alex turns and places her feet in Kelley’s lap, “What if we don’t meet the requirements because we travel?” 

 

“I already talked to the adoption agency about our occupation and they said as long as our house checks through than it should be fine.”

 

Alex is surprised at how much research Kelley seems to have done up to this point. They decide that they can’t wait anymore so they pack up their stuff and drives back to Orlando the next morning.

 

On the car ride they argue over which position their kid’s gonna play in soccer, eventually they compromise on midfielder since it’s a blend between defender and forward. Ever since Alex was very little she has always known that no matter what happens one day she wants to be a mother. She wants the bond with her kid that she had with her parents and she wants that for Kelley too.  Most of the drive is silent but a peaceful silence as they try to settle with the fact that they were about to start the process of parenthood. 

 

The drive is only 5 hours and they make it home in record speed. Alex being more safe, tells Kelley to slow down every 5 minutes but Kelley just shrugs and points out that everyone else is going just as fast. 

  
  
  


\--

“Sometimes it’s about waking up and saying yes to new adventures that make your brain a little wiser and your heart a little fuller.”

-KO

\--

They’re scheduled to meet the little boy the next morning and that night they barely get a wink of sleep. Kelley tosses and turns and eventually she drifts into a restless slumber. In the morning they’re up by the first alarm set on Kelley’s phone which is rare. 

 

Alex has a death grip on Kelley’s hand while they wait at the adoption office, Kelley’s thumb tracing calming circles. 

 

The social worker comes back to bring them into a small office to meet the young boy. The couple nervously enters to room and Alex falls in love.

 

He has freckles everywhere and giant dimples and Alex finds it so mesmerising that she almost misses the social worker introduce him as “Walker” 

 

Walker is 2 and a half years old, they don’t know much about his backstory other than, he was dropped off when he was 8 months old and he’s of asian-american decent. 

 

The social worker asks if they want to hold him and they both nod. His bright blue-green eyes found Kelley’s and he laughed, as only a baby can laugh a sweet sound unblemished by the hurts of life. His little face glowed from a light within, he cuddles up between them and Kelley wants to cry. 

 

The social worker who introduces herself as ‘Amy’ informs them that they would start the process by letting them bond with Walker for one day every week before moving on to him staying at their house for the weekend and then eventually if everything went smoothly then he’d go home with them. She explains that this process would hopefully be finished by the time the qualifiers rolled around. 

 

By the end of the visit they’re both in love with Walker and Kelley knows he’s the one. They just met him but they knew that he was their kid and they would never let this precious bundle of joy go no matter what obstacles were thrown at them.


End file.
